Mac

March 29, 2007

Right now I'm typing to you on my brand new Macbook and I'm loving it. Yesterday I had a mild freak out because I wasn't sure I liked it. This was mainly because it's so different from Windows and it takes a little getting used to, but now that I'm starting to acclimate I'm enjoying the hell out of it. I'm hoping like hell that Mom and Dad don't find out I have this because I was supposed to wait until I had more of my loan money, but the other laptop was so shit!

In the musical portion of my life I've started listening to Hellogoodbye. Something about their techno-like sound appeals to my gay side and I love them. I think I'm behind the times though, because Beth has been listening to them for at least a month.

Also, Karen is coming up tomorrow which is awesome due to the fact that I've not seen her lately (Chris either for that matter), so spending time with them is going to be hella good.

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This American Life

March 26, 2007

One of the best shows on radio today is This American Life, hosted by Ira Glass. I'd try to describe how wonderfully sincere and entertaining this hour of programming is, but I'd undoubtedly fall short. This American Life is available to download for free on iTunes, which is awesome and it just recently began its television form on Showtime. I love this show so much I could explode. Plus I've got a tiny crush on Ira, despite the fact that he's at least fifty (I think).


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Hooked On A Feeling

March 20, 2007

Sometimes I feel so ready to settle down that I could explode with frustration and impatience.  I feel like I should be in a place of my own, starting a job, and paying my student loans.  I feel like I should be finding a guy that I can bring home to my parents, that I can spend the rest of my life with, that I can start a family with.

Is that strange?  Is it stupid?  Sometimes I think that if I were to mention to any prospective boyfriend that above statement that it would scare them away and that I should lower my standards a bit.  But no, it's not strange and it's not stupid, at least not for me and that's really all that matters.  Finding someone to fit me.

Putting words to the process of finding someone, in my case, is impossible.  When push comes to shove I don't follow my head and logic goes out the window.  In the end I trust my intuition.  Is that the smart thing to do?  Probably not, but I'm going to do it anyway.  I'd rather be in a situation that feels right to me but may look like shit to an outsider than be in a situation that I despise but makes the most sense.  In reality I don't just purely follow my intuition, logic and common sense does play a role, but Intuition is a big part.

Why am I talking about this?  Who knows.  Maybe it's because a friendship that I thought would turn into a relationship never even made it off the ground, maybe it's because I read one of Chris's journal entries and it got me thinking, or maybe it's just because I needed to update.


10 Favorite Songs

March 7, 2007

Here are my top ten favorite songs of all time, in no particular order.
1) Will I – Rent

“Will I lose my dignity?  Will someone care?  Will i wake tomorrow from this nightmare?”

This is on my favorite songs because it perfectly captures how I felt throughout Jr. High and High School when it came to being gay.  I was petrified that once I came out I would be left out in the cold by myself, luckily this hasn't been the case.  In terms of the song itself, I've always had a “thing” for songs sung in round, I love 'em.

2) Soar – Christina Aguilera

“When they push when they pull, tell me can you hold on
When they say you should change can you lift your head high and stay strong
Will you give up, give in, when your heart's crying out that it's wrong
Will you love you for you at the end of it all.”

I really like Christina, because she is very much about staying true to oneself and not being stepped on by the majority.  As an “outcast” of society I find any song that empowers people and gives them strength, to be a good thing.  This song is one of those and I feel it's one of the best.

3) Brothers On A Hotel Bed – Death Cab For Cutie

“No longer easy on the eyes
These wrinkles masterfully disguise
The youthful boy below
who turned your way and saw
Something he was not looking for
Both a beginning and an end
But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize
When he catches his reflection on accident”

After reading that I think it's easy to understand why I like this song, it's incredible.  Everytime I hear it I begin thinking of my Grandparents and other older individuals in my life and I start to tear up a little.  It scares me a little to think that when I'm older I'm essentially going to be the same person inside, no magical transformation is going to occur to prepare me.

4) Curious – Holly Brook

“Someone tell me what to do
I feel like I must be a fool
For ending up right back at the start
The things that we don't comprehend
Are laughing at my mind again
I think that I think too hard
And I don't give enough credit to my heart”

I first heard Holly in Fort Minor's song Where'd You Go? and immediately had to look her up.   When I first heard the lyric “I think that I think too hard” I started laughing because I usually feel this way about myself (as do many others I'm sure), nut when it comes to people and relationships I often find myself in this same place.

5) Breakable – Ingrid Michaelson

“Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts.
So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,
And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.”

I'm not quite sure why I like this song so much.  I think it's because I like how it reminds me that things in life aren't, though we often think they are, actually complicated at all.  We are all breakable and in an instant we could be gone (physically and/or mentally).

6) Heal Over – KT Tunstall

“It isn't very difficult to see why
You are the way you are
Doesn't take a genius to realise
That sometimes life is hard
It's gonna take time
But you'll just have to wait
You're gonna be fine”

I listen to this song when I'm sad because it reminds me in a nice way that life sucks and that you have to keep on keeping on.  Heal Over is Ms. Tunstall's rep on this list, I find all of her songs amazing and her musical abilities are incredible.

7) Come What May – Moulin Rouge

“Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I Love You, until the end of time”

This is one of the songs that i want played when I get married (or committed, whatever) .  This is the kind of love I want to experience before I die.  I hope to God that's not too much to ask.

8) Somersault – Zero 7

“You're the prince to my ballerina
You feed other people's parking meters
You encourage the eating of ice cream
You would somersault in sand with me”

The other song that I want played at my wedding.  This song describes the person I want to end up with (me and everyone else).  I think I'm a sucker for love songs.  The part of the song that sold me though, was the first line.  It's everything that love should be in a perfect world.

9) On The Radio – Regina Spektor

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

I LOVE Regina Spektor and I thank Chris SO much for introducing me to her.  This is the song
that made me sign my soul over to her.  She describes life so perfectly and in such few
words that it leaves me speechless and sends shivers down my spine every time I hear it.

10)  Agnus Dei – Rufus Wainwright

“Agnus dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis”

I devoted my last entry to this song.  This is my one Rufus song, I could have easily just
listed song after song just done by Mr. Wainwright but I limited myself to one, and this is
it.  You all know why I love it so much.  It's humanity's cry for help.