Just another reason why I love Nicole Kidman.
I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. I got the male beagle at 8 am this morning and around 10 am i broke down with anxiety and the intense feeling that he would have a much better life with someone who isn't as lazy and catatonic as I am. It's not that I don't think I could do it, it's that I don't think he'd be as happy as he could be with someone else. So at 10:30 I took him back to the kennel fighting back tears the whole way and almost breaking down when I handed him back over. So for the past half hour I've been bawling. I hope he ends up extremely happy. He's a great dog. I wish I had more faith in me and wasn't so fucking anxious and worrisome about everything.
Wednesday I will be getting a dog! Well, Wednesday or Thursday depending on which dog I decide on. I'm torn betwixt two beagles; one is young and hyper while the other is older and walks sorta funny. The older one also squats down weirdly when you pet her, I'm thinking it's a type of fear response or something. I'm more than likely going to go with the younger one, though, mainly because I know his age and some of the other things about him. The older beagle was brought in as a stray so they don't know her age, if she's been spayed, etc. The one thing that makes me want her is the fact that I don't know if anyone else will want her and I'm pretty sure that the younger beagle will be able to find a home quite quickly.
I'm sure I'll have come to a decision by Wednesday. Also, here are some names I've been thinking of.
On Tuesday I turned 23. No big deal, just another year. Yesterday, though, out of nowhere I was struck by the fact that though I am 23 and tell people I'm 23 I don't think of myself as being 23. Well that's not entirely true, I do see myself as being 23, but in relation to the age of other people (not maturity-wise, just age-wise) I look at myself as being on a different level. It's the weirdest feeling and probably sounds like nonsense, but it's true. Here's an example; I was talking to my friend Matt and somehow the subject of someone being 26 got brought up and I said something like “26 is too old for me, that's like…” and that's when it hit me, that's only 3 years. I am 23. Twenty-Three. It's like I've just been spouting off the number without really thinking about it in relation to other people and the world. Its weird.